... on her words and it's starting to bother me. I'm trying not to let it get there though. I've been kicking it with A and I must admit that my feelings are growing in secret and I need to put a lid on it, trim the hedges, or prune the branches or something before it spreads out of control. She is so damn fine to me. Something about her reminding me of that good that I once saw in my first love that stands out in her to me. She's a great individual, but damnit Ape she has a man. Not only does she has a man, she is not trying to let go of her man although they are having problems at the moment. Why is it that I always seem to get locked up in these situations where I'm facing impossible odds? Man but the reward for her is great. I'm trying to chill because I'm not trying to really go there with her although i can see that she probably already knows that. Yesterday I helped her with her paper and I cancelled on K. I felt kinda bad for it because I felt as if I chose A over K, but the fact remained was the A neeed me more. Today I call myself making it up to K by asking her to hang out with me today. I am not going to front, I miss hanging out with K, but when she told me that she couldn't see herself being with me (in so many words), I just kinda fell back. With A at least there is a chance even with her having a man because she is feeling me a bit more than K and isn't afraid to tell me at times. Anyway, after we finished her paper, I took her home and we talked on the phone for a little bit. She asked me questions about would I date her and what if situations. She already knew that I would date her and she explained how she would respond once she got out of a relationship. I asked her in turn would she date me and her response was, "I...I...I can't say because I'm not in that situation and I haven't asked you questions." I then asked her if she had to speak about me or if someone asked about me, what would she say. She responded by saying that she would tell them that I am a really good guy who is very much so marriage potential, drama free, not down for games, and I'm really sweet. I then asked her what is my flaw and she said that maybe I can be too nice or something, but she later admits that she doesn't know. Well we talked about her boyfriend for a minute before all of this because she knew that he was going to be mad at her because she didn't call him back later on today. I'm thinking to myself that he feels that someone else is moving in on his territory and he has to step it up. It's understandable because if I get her... Needless to say it's a wrap. In fact, me getting anyone at this point and stage is pretty much a wrap. Last night was talking and listening...
Today I am meditating on this. So my question is "What does this all mean?" Does it mean that A is open for the choosing? Does it mean that she wants to get with me but doesn't want to let me know? I mean damn, we already kissed and did some other things. In fact, the next time that we are chilling I am going to try her. Nah I won't do that unless the opportunity provides for it. Why do I want this one female so bad? I must know that in some subconscious way that I can get her. Plus, I think that she knows that she is not going to be with this guy forever. She's just not ready to walk away from the situation at hand. Will I wait? I don't know. I guess that I can only be around for as long as I can stand it. What about K? Well K admits that she doesn't want me like that so she should no longer be a factor right? Right! Plus, she needs to make the first move towards me since I already put myself out there like I'm waiting for someone to come along to pick me up as if it's trash day. Would I still hook up with K? Hell yeah! In a heart beat. As I said previously, K is going to come over and we are just going to chill out. Maybe watch a movie or just talk. Whatever it is, it's going to prove itself to be very eventful. So if I had to choose between a single K and a single A if they were put together, who would I choose? I guess that it depends on what day that you ask me. I'm still meditating on that one. I already know that A is something serious in the bedroom but K is talking about her next relationship being the marriage one. That's what I am honestly looking for. I guess that we will see how the rest of this unfolds. Ego Ape signing out...
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Monday, April 9, 2007
Did I buy some condoms last night?
Hell yeah I did!!!
What the fuck was I thinking? Oh yeah, better safe than sorry. Am I mentally preparing to break someone's back again like a pro-wrestler? The funny thing was that I had them in my pocket and I was going to give ol' girl "A" a hug with them clearly about to show. I played as if I didn't want the hug and I threw the condoms on the floor of my car. Geesh Ego Ape!!! You getting kinda bold!!!
Okay, now I'm through writing for today... I think so anyway.
Oh yeah... that question...
In my last post I posed a question about myself, A, and her man. The question is "Am I just simply getting playing time because her starting man isn't around for the game? Will I go back to the bench when he comes back?"
Now where did I get this question from?
Well me and A have been doing a lot of talking as of late and I know that I talk to her way more than her man. Everntually something about us had to happen. We skyrocketed together so quick and I completely forgot that she has a man. I still got in there. What was i thinking right? I don't even know. All I knew was that she must be feeling me if she is talking to me for at least 10 hours out of the day and going to sleep with me on the phone.
Anyway, now for the question... I don't know. Only time will tell. While we were in the library last night, her man called and asked her if she could talk. She said no, because she is in the library. He then began telling her and apologizing for not being able to talk as much. Eventually it will all come to the light because if he keeps slipping the way that he is doing then I am going to be right there capitalizing from it because she is going to come to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not preying on her. I am just sitting back and letting her come to me.
Did I answer my own question? I think that I did.
Only time can tell and I have to sit here and be patient...
Now where did I get this question from?
Well me and A have been doing a lot of talking as of late and I know that I talk to her way more than her man. Everntually something about us had to happen. We skyrocketed together so quick and I completely forgot that she has a man. I still got in there. What was i thinking right? I don't even know. All I knew was that she must be feeling me if she is talking to me for at least 10 hours out of the day and going to sleep with me on the phone.
Anyway, now for the question... I don't know. Only time will tell. While we were in the library last night, her man called and asked her if she could talk. She said no, because she is in the library. He then began telling her and apologizing for not being able to talk as much. Eventually it will all come to the light because if he keeps slipping the way that he is doing then I am going to be right there capitalizing from it because she is going to come to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not preying on her. I am just sitting back and letting her come to me.
Did I answer my own question? I think that I did.
Only time can tell and I have to sit here and be patient...
Certified
*singing*
Im Diggin You, And I Aint Trynta Run No Game
Cuz Im Into You, You Should Know Me By My Name
And I Aint Never Gonna Lie,
Cuz I Dont Really Gotta, Baby
Im Certifiiiiiiied!! Please Believe
And Im Cocky Wit It, Baby I Dont Mean No Harm
But I Gots To Get It, Cuz Ya Wit And Ya Charm
Got Me On Something Else,
Baby You Know The Rest.
Im Certifiiiiiied.
Man that is my shit right now!!!!!
Anyway, this weekend has been quite weekend. Lets start with the prelude to this this weekend shall we? I agreed to help my Ace in any kind of way to get his girl back. I spent the whole week talking to her on his behalf, hearing her out, conveying the message, and hearing him out, and interpreting for the both of them. Their problem is just that they are saying the same thing, they just can't convey the message properly. Anyway, helping them get back together was a good thing for me and my heart because it has given me time to reflect on what I feel and what I want out of a love life. As of now, I really don't have much control or say as in how it goes because I'm sitting around and waiting. A went home this weekend to visit the family and later found out that all of her private business has been exposed by someone stumbling upon her journal. That was real messed up. We talked about it for some time and I convinced her to stay and not run away from it. I'm glad that she did because it showed her family how strong she really is. K went home this weekend as well. Maybe I should just stop referring to her right now because as much as I am feeling her, nothing seems to profit from it (regardless of how much work that I put in). As for A, I notice that she talks to me and tells me everything. I know her more than her man does because he is so damn busy. Am I being someone's maintenance man or am I riding the bench until this "starter" decides to come back into the game? That's a question that I will answer later on.
Last night me and A went to the library and I helped her study for her test. She kept looking at me and saying that something is very different about me. I said that I was fine. Actually I was, but I really did have something on my mind. I was reflecting on her calling me her "best friend" now that I know everything her and that I accept her. I just thought that this kind of stuff would be normal for anybody. It's a compliment to hear that we have gotten closer, but man I don't want to be catapaulted into the friendship zone. Every man knows that the "friend zone" is a bottomless abyss of me falling while watching the opportunity of us ever getting together slipping away. Help.... It was depressing. So I was sitting there wondering how a brother could get out of that zone but maintain the closeness. I couldn't figure it out. Evidently this is probably one of man's greatest philosophical questions besides "what is my purpose?" After the library she took me home and she realized that someone broke into her apartment, but nothing was taken. Well not at first. She was scared so I let her stay with me for the night. When she fell asleep on the couch I tried to take her into the bedroom, but she was not trying to budge at all. Usually she would of allowed it, but this time she said no. It bothered me at first, but then I realized that "YEAH SHE DOES HAVE A MAN AND YOU CAN'T BE TAKING ANOTHER MAN'S WOMAN INTO THE BEDROOM LIKE THAT!!!" I laid down for a little while longer and then I just got up and went to the bedroom and slept. I got a feeling that she is not trying to go there with me again in the bedroom. It's cool though because you have to respect it. I told myself that if something happen then she has to come to me with it. I then dozed off. Afterwards she woke me up by getting into the bedroom with me and snuggling up under me. Once again we were face to face with her pressed up against me. I thought about it, but then I said, "Nah..." So after awhile I moved her off me. I still put my arm around her to let her know that I was still being affectionate. Eventually, morning came and her phone kept ringing so she had to get up.
So now I'm here reflecting to myself and asking myself, "Why do I keep on trying with this one female?" I have never been the one to cross boundaries with someone who has a man and admits up to it. Geesh!! What is wrong with me? Why don't I feel bad for it at all? Do I know something deep down inside that I'm not telling myself about her that keeps me around? I keep telling mself that I am going to play it cool, but I find it hard not to get hot around her. We just have this connection that I see both of us trying to downplay. I say let your inhibitions go. I know that if we hooked up, I am going to keep her and we are going to last. Man I really want this one female so bad. I never thought that I would say this, but she has rivaled and maybe even defeated K. No... Fuck it, she did. Unlike K (who tends to be emotionally closed off and incapable of showing that side of her), A shows it. She's not afraid to show it all. Man that's hella sexy to me. The attraction between us is crazy. In fact, it scares her a bit because I've gotten really close in record time.
What am I going to do about this?
The same thing that I have always been doing... play my position and wait it out!!
End results for this week...
1. My ACE got his girl back!!!
2. I got some work done and I know damn near everything about A.
3. I talked to an old acquaintance who I will deem as "D" and I let her know that I would love to have an all weekend freak fest with her. LOL! She was madd receptive. Amazing huh?
4. The only thing I got accomplished with K was that I brought her some curly fries from Arbys. LOL! I see that she has been wanting tohang out more since she walked in and found A sitting on my couch. lol.
**OH YEAH HONORABLE MENTION TIME**
A few weeks ago, I met a female while kicking it with some Bruhs. She will be called "T"... I was having a bad weekend up there and I just happen to meet her in the morning time in the cafeteria. I was half tired and I mustered up just enough energy to hold down a conversation and get her number while she was in a rush. She called me last night and we had a really good conversation. I learned quite a bit about her and I love her attitude. My dumbass went all balls out with her on the first phone conversation. I asked if she had a man. She said no. I then said, "Would it be okay that I can get to know you on a more personal level, take you out a few times, and maybe even become your next boyfriend?" She was like "Wowwwwww...ummm...yeah... I mean yes." Now I said that after only seeing her once and talking to her twice. Got damnit I'm a gangsta for that one. So we continued on in some really good conversation. I kept her laughing, learned a few things, and then the issue with A broke out and I had to let her go. I tried calling her back, but I couldn't reach her. I did however send her a text message thanking her for the conversation.
Well since I'm doing an honorable mention, I might as well do...
**L FOR THE WEEK**
This one goes out to M who is contantly feeling me, but I'm not really feeling her like that. In the club and under the influence of a few drinks I was all into her. Now that I'm sober and see how she really is coming at me all aggressive, I just can't mess with her. Honestly she's not that attractive and just don't have the heart to tell her that I'm not interested. In fact, I was just going to reserve that for later. Nevermind, I think that I should let her know because I remembered how it felt when this other female messed over me like that. Man, she allowed me to do all of these things for her and upgrade her. Afterwards she left me. That's aight though because I uprgraded her and she knows deep down inside that she owes me. Every since the "break-up" I have not spoken to her. She sent me a Happy Easter text message, but I find it hard to take her serious again ever since she lied to me and had to get caught in order for to let it be known. I despise that.
Im Diggin You, And I Aint Trynta Run No Game
Cuz Im Into You, You Should Know Me By My Name
And I Aint Never Gonna Lie,
Cuz I Dont Really Gotta, Baby
Im Certifiiiiiiied!! Please Believe
And Im Cocky Wit It, Baby I Dont Mean No Harm
But I Gots To Get It, Cuz Ya Wit And Ya Charm
Got Me On Something Else,
Baby You Know The Rest.
Im Certifiiiiiied.
Man that is my shit right now!!!!!
Anyway, this weekend has been quite weekend. Lets start with the prelude to this this weekend shall we? I agreed to help my Ace in any kind of way to get his girl back. I spent the whole week talking to her on his behalf, hearing her out, conveying the message, and hearing him out, and interpreting for the both of them. Their problem is just that they are saying the same thing, they just can't convey the message properly. Anyway, helping them get back together was a good thing for me and my heart because it has given me time to reflect on what I feel and what I want out of a love life. As of now, I really don't have much control or say as in how it goes because I'm sitting around and waiting. A went home this weekend to visit the family and later found out that all of her private business has been exposed by someone stumbling upon her journal. That was real messed up. We talked about it for some time and I convinced her to stay and not run away from it. I'm glad that she did because it showed her family how strong she really is. K went home this weekend as well. Maybe I should just stop referring to her right now because as much as I am feeling her, nothing seems to profit from it (regardless of how much work that I put in). As for A, I notice that she talks to me and tells me everything. I know her more than her man does because he is so damn busy. Am I being someone's maintenance man or am I riding the bench until this "starter" decides to come back into the game? That's a question that I will answer later on.
Last night me and A went to the library and I helped her study for her test. She kept looking at me and saying that something is very different about me. I said that I was fine. Actually I was, but I really did have something on my mind. I was reflecting on her calling me her "best friend" now that I know everything her and that I accept her. I just thought that this kind of stuff would be normal for anybody. It's a compliment to hear that we have gotten closer, but man I don't want to be catapaulted into the friendship zone. Every man knows that the "friend zone" is a bottomless abyss of me falling while watching the opportunity of us ever getting together slipping away. Help.... It was depressing. So I was sitting there wondering how a brother could get out of that zone but maintain the closeness. I couldn't figure it out. Evidently this is probably one of man's greatest philosophical questions besides "what is my purpose?" After the library she took me home and she realized that someone broke into her apartment, but nothing was taken. Well not at first. She was scared so I let her stay with me for the night. When she fell asleep on the couch I tried to take her into the bedroom, but she was not trying to budge at all. Usually she would of allowed it, but this time she said no. It bothered me at first, but then I realized that "YEAH SHE DOES HAVE A MAN AND YOU CAN'T BE TAKING ANOTHER MAN'S WOMAN INTO THE BEDROOM LIKE THAT!!!" I laid down for a little while longer and then I just got up and went to the bedroom and slept. I got a feeling that she is not trying to go there with me again in the bedroom. It's cool though because you have to respect it. I told myself that if something happen then she has to come to me with it. I then dozed off. Afterwards she woke me up by getting into the bedroom with me and snuggling up under me. Once again we were face to face with her pressed up against me. I thought about it, but then I said, "Nah..." So after awhile I moved her off me. I still put my arm around her to let her know that I was still being affectionate. Eventually, morning came and her phone kept ringing so she had to get up.
So now I'm here reflecting to myself and asking myself, "Why do I keep on trying with this one female?" I have never been the one to cross boundaries with someone who has a man and admits up to it. Geesh!! What is wrong with me? Why don't I feel bad for it at all? Do I know something deep down inside that I'm not telling myself about her that keeps me around? I keep telling mself that I am going to play it cool, but I find it hard not to get hot around her. We just have this connection that I see both of us trying to downplay. I say let your inhibitions go. I know that if we hooked up, I am going to keep her and we are going to last. Man I really want this one female so bad. I never thought that I would say this, but she has rivaled and maybe even defeated K. No... Fuck it, she did. Unlike K (who tends to be emotionally closed off and incapable of showing that side of her), A shows it. She's not afraid to show it all. Man that's hella sexy to me. The attraction between us is crazy. In fact, it scares her a bit because I've gotten really close in record time.
What am I going to do about this?
The same thing that I have always been doing... play my position and wait it out!!
End results for this week...
1. My ACE got his girl back!!!
2. I got some work done and I know damn near everything about A.
3. I talked to an old acquaintance who I will deem as "D" and I let her know that I would love to have an all weekend freak fest with her. LOL! She was madd receptive. Amazing huh?
4. The only thing I got accomplished with K was that I brought her some curly fries from Arbys. LOL! I see that she has been wanting tohang out more since she walked in and found A sitting on my couch. lol.
**OH YEAH HONORABLE MENTION TIME**
A few weeks ago, I met a female while kicking it with some Bruhs. She will be called "T"... I was having a bad weekend up there and I just happen to meet her in the morning time in the cafeteria. I was half tired and I mustered up just enough energy to hold down a conversation and get her number while she was in a rush. She called me last night and we had a really good conversation. I learned quite a bit about her and I love her attitude. My dumbass went all balls out with her on the first phone conversation. I asked if she had a man. She said no. I then said, "Would it be okay that I can get to know you on a more personal level, take you out a few times, and maybe even become your next boyfriend?" She was like "Wowwwwww...ummm...yeah... I mean yes." Now I said that after only seeing her once and talking to her twice. Got damnit I'm a gangsta for that one. So we continued on in some really good conversation. I kept her laughing, learned a few things, and then the issue with A broke out and I had to let her go. I tried calling her back, but I couldn't reach her. I did however send her a text message thanking her for the conversation.
Well since I'm doing an honorable mention, I might as well do...
**L FOR THE WEEK**
This one goes out to M who is contantly feeling me, but I'm not really feeling her like that. In the club and under the influence of a few drinks I was all into her. Now that I'm sober and see how she really is coming at me all aggressive, I just can't mess with her. Honestly she's not that attractive and just don't have the heart to tell her that I'm not interested. In fact, I was just going to reserve that for later. Nevermind, I think that I should let her know because I remembered how it felt when this other female messed over me like that. Man, she allowed me to do all of these things for her and upgrade her. Afterwards she left me. That's aight though because I uprgraded her and she knows deep down inside that she owes me. Every since the "break-up" I have not spoken to her. She sent me a Happy Easter text message, but I find it hard to take her serious again ever since she lied to me and had to get caught in order for to let it be known. I despise that.
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